Somnus
by Honeyfish
Summary: A malicious prank gone wrong lands Hanatarou in a coma and at the mercy of his zanpakuto's cruel spirit.
1. Prologue: The Fall

_I know I should be finishing the next chapter of CotG, but I just had to get this first chapter down. More soon to follow, I hope._

_Nir_

"P-please! Think about what you are doing!"

"I could… we could all get very hurt! Reconsider, I beg you…!"

"Help! Someone! Please…"

He pleaded with them all the way up the hill. It was April Fool's, and they were determined to have their fun as his expense, as they did every year. There were reasons Hanatarou dreaded his birthday. The small pranks, the harmless and mostly painless he could endure almost happily. But the big ones they always saved for April first.

It seemed this year they simply hadn't been able to wait, and had snatched him from outside the barracks on his way to the mess hall to eat breakfast (no doubt it would have been laced with cleaning chemicals today, anyway) and taken him to the execution ground where the Sōkyoku had stood.

The wind was fierce at such an altitude. It clawed at their loose robes like something alive and malicious. Hanatarou was clamped tightly in the burly arms of one of the 11th Squad officers who'd captured him, and no amount of kicking and struggling had managed to free him. Now he watched in growing horror as they brought him closer and closer to the edge of the cliff. Their intentions had been clear from the start, but he'd never thought they'd actually go this far…

Now another man took him from the first, grabbing Hanatarou by the ankles and dangling him upside-down as if the medic weighed no more than a pillow. The young Shinigami was almost crying with terror, grabbing at this captors' clothes, then at the dusty ground until one of them kicked him in the face so he clapped his hands over his bloodied nose and troubled them no more with his clinging. He closed his eyes for the seemingly infinite stretch of time they held him out in the open air, concentrating on the pain in his probably-broken nose and the itch of his blood welling around his eyes and drying on his forehead. They were laughing, not drunken laughter. They knew exactly what they were doing. They did things like this to him every year, but this was the worst so far.

Hanatarou felt the hand holding his left ankle let go. For a moment he slipped and opened his eyes. There was Soul Society above him, white blocky buildings stretching into infinity. A few bright drops of blood flew upward to be whipped off by the wind. It was fortunate he hadn't eaten yet that day or he might have thrown up.

One of them spoke, but he couldn't hear for the pounding of his own blood in his ears. They'd had their fun. They were going to let him back on the ground. He could feel the grip on his remaining ankle slipping. They could drop him on his head if they wanted. All that mattered was the safe solidness of the ground below his body he was sure he'd feel in a minute…

Something was wrong. The fingers holding his ankle were gone. He should have hit the ground by now. The next thing he knew was the feeling of sick lightness in his stomach and he knew he was falling, the pale ground and sky switching places so quickly that they became indistinguishable. He must have closed his eyes at some time during it because the tiles lining the streets suddenly looked much larger than they had a moment ago and they were getting larger by the second. It occurred to him that he was probably going to die when he hit the ground and that wasn't something he wanted to watch.

So he closed his eyes. It would be a long time before he opened them again.


	2. April, part I

_...on second thought, I guess Drama suits it better.  
_

_-Nir_

Perhaps that final sentence was not entirely true, because Hanatarou opened his eyes again very soon after he closed them that last time.

Beads of dew had formed on his eyelashes. He blinked them away as he sat up and took note of his surroundings. Fog, lying thick and heavy and low over an iron-gray lake still as a mirror. It was cold. Not bone-chilling, but enough to be uncomfortable, especially with the dampness. He was sitting on a rocky little island covered in sparse grass. A sickly red maple to his left, its leaves drooping sadly. The area held an aura of lethargy, like it was not meant to sustain life. The lake itself reminded him of a stone bowl filled with water, clear and clean but utterly lifeless.

Hanatarou knew this place. This was the inner realm of his zanpakuto, Hisagomaru. Why was he here? He'd been dropped off a cliff more than 300 feet high. He should be dead.

He felt his nose, expecting a sticky mass of congealed blood. On the contrary, it was clean and unbroken. There was no pain anywhere. Was this what happened when a Shinigami died? He didn't recall ever being told… That was a stupid thought. The dead couldn't tell you what rebirth was like.

"You are not dead…"

The voice was light and lilting, like a small child's. He had not heard the spirit approach. It emerged from the gray mist, its florid color almost painful to look at against the monotone backdrop, walking on the water's surface with its delicate little paws.

"Hisa…"

"You are not dead." It repeated, stepping onto the rocky shore and walking up to the Shinigami who commanded it. Hisa did not sit. It circled Hanatarou slowly, its small pointed ears erect and listening. "What happened, Hanaaaa…?"

He followed it with his eyes whenever it came into view, dropping his gaze back to the ground when it went behind him. "I was dropped… I mean, I fell… Did I really survive that?"

Hisa traced a line of coolness up his spine with its prehensile, vine-like tail. He could feel it through his clothing. "Yes… but you are asleep..."

"Asleep…"

"Yes… in a _very_ deep sleeeeep…" The spirit stopped in front of him and fixed him with a blood-colored stare. "One that you may not wake up from for a loooong time…"

Hanatarou was quiet. Asleep. Probably a coma. Better than death, but not by much…

"Had I not pulled you into my inner realm in time, you would have been stuck in limbo, in a black, thoughtless _void_… You should thank me, Hanaaaa… Thank me for saving you from that…" Its gaze was almost pleading. Hanatarou reflected on his current and future situation. He was stuck here with the spirit of his zanpakuto, which he had, yes he would admit it, consciously neglected. Hisagomaru frightened him, with its lust for causing and devouring pain in order to create more.

This could be a good thing too, he reminded himself. While he waited to wake up he could try to forge a more secure bond with his misunderstood spirit. The situation forced them to be together, and avoiding interaction would be impossible. This was Hisa's home, and Hanatarou would do his best to be a gracious guest in it.

"Thank you, Hisa…" He said, giving the spirit the most optimistic look he could manage at the time, which was little more than a sad smile.

"Of course…" Hisa grinned, showing off an array of small, sharp teeth that had no place in the mouth of such a harmless-looking creature. "Anything for you, Hanaaa…"

--

"It's… it's practically a miracle, isn't it?"

"No." Unohana shook her head, her eyes still fixed on the small, unmoving body on the bed before her. "Shinigami, even frail ones like Yamada-san, are very resilient. It is difficult to kill them with blunt physical force. You should know this, fukutaicho."

Isane nodded quickly, turning away, a bit embarrassed by her captain's words. "Still…" She said quietly. Why was she whispering? It wasn't as if Hanatarou would be woken up by her voice. Though, if only he would… "I can't believe he's alive after that."

He could very well be dead, lying there silent and still but for the slight rise and fall of his chest and the fog from his breath on the oxygen mask he wore. Had Isane not spent nearly an hour fixing all his breaks and bruises, she probably wouldn't have recognized him. His skin was nearly as pale as the bandages plastered on his arms and chest. They'd had to cut away some of his hair to fix the damage done to his skull. It formed a dark, lopsided halo against the white pillow.

After a while, Isane spoke again. "He will wake up, won't he…?" The officers who'd dropped him were being punished accordingly, but locking them away for life or even executing them would mean nothing if Hanatarou never recovered.

Unohana didn't answer right away. In the corner the ventilator hummed with somnolent white noise. "It is hard to say. I believe he will pull through, but he will not wake any time soon. He may be unconscious for several months, or a year. Two years. But in the end, he will wake. All we can do in the meantime is care for him."


	3. April, part II

_I forgot to mention before that this fic is partly inspired by one about Hinamori when she was unconscious and there was quite a lot of zanpakuto/wielder interaction. I never got to finish it and stupidly did not put it in my favorites, so if anybody has a link to it I'd really appreciate the help :)_

_-Nir_

The story spread quickly around Seireitei, but it stayed low-key and unexaggerated. It was an unfortunate event, not a scandal, and those who caught wind of it felt it would be disrespectful to bring it above the level of a brief murmur to passing acquaintances in the hallway. In spite of its delicacy, it managed to worm its way into the outer reaches of Rukongai.

"Shiba-san, it is unlikely that he will be able to hear you or even notice your presence…"

"I don't care. I wanna see him."

4th Squad was quite accustomed to dealing with large unruly visitors. Ganju Shiba was both of these things. He was led swiftly to Hanatarou's room along a roundabout path so as to avoid any delicate medical machinery or those patients who were fortunate enough to be up and walking around.

Isane waited outside the doorway while Ganju went inside, distant enough that the man would not feel crowded but close enough that she could keep on eye on what went on inside. If Ganju started yelling or even shaking the unconscious Hanatarou out of desperation, she would be on hand to stop him.

Minutes ticked by. Isane heard Ganju mumbled something once or twice, too quiet for her to hear. Though she knew it was rude to spy on visitors she couldn't help but sneak a quick peek inside the room.

Ganju was simply standing beside the bed, looking enormous and out-of-place is his colorful clothing, his riding goggles hanging around his neck and the dust from the Rukon streets powdering the floor beneath him. Isane had never seen someone look so helpless. The expression was completely inappropriate for Ganju's rough features. She knew scarce little about the relationship he'd had with Hanatarou, but it seemed to her that he regarded the healer as something of a younger brother, someone whom it was his duty to protect from all the harmful things in the world. She hoped he wasn't beating himself up over what had happened. Maybe it could have been avoided, but not by any action of Ganju's.

"Dammit…" She heard him growl. He turned around and she was momentarily embarrassed to be caught snooping. "Who did this to him?"

"It was… a couple of officers from 11th." She told him. "They're serving out their punishment right now, so…"

"Those bastards… I oughta…" Ganju clenched his thick fingers. His whole body was trembling with rage. Isane found she had unconsciously moved her hand to her zanpakuto's hilt. "I oughta break their fucking necks… What did they think they were doing?"

The vice-captain was relieved to see him take a deep breath. At least he was _trying_ to keep himself calm. "Those guys… Why does he let them treat him that way? I told 'im over and over not to be such a doormat, and this was why…"

Isane looked past Ganju to the hospital bed Hanatarou lay on. He was just as pale and still as he'd been yesterday, with the exception of his left arm which had been moved when the IV was inserted.

"Someone should teach them a lesson. Show them what happens when they mess with guys they got no business messing with..."

"Maybe you should leave now, Shiba-san…"

"Guys who never did nothing to them! Hell, they'd probably be dead without guys like Hana!"

"Shiba-san!" Isane shouted, startling them both. Ganju had fallen silent, so she continued, more quietly now. "Shiba-san. Hanatarou would not want to you seek violent revenge on his behalf. Unohana-taicho said he would recover within a few months. You wouldn't want the first thing he hears about to be that you went a beat someone up because of him…"

Ganju nodded slowly, his eyes at Isane's feet. "Yeah… I guess you got a point there… Makes me so mad, though."

Isane offered him a sympathetic smile. "I know. It is terrible what has happened to him, but he is not dead. He doesn't need any retribution."

"Yeah, yeah. I got it…" Ganju rubbed the back of his head, suddenly looking very tired. "You guys better take good care of him…"

"Of course we will. Come now, Shiba-san. There's nothing more we can do for him right now."

--

Hanatarou figured the ubiquitous fog was a result of his unconsciousness in the real world. It dampened his robes, making them heavy so that just standing tired him quickly. Despite this he kept walking in a circle around the perimeter of the tiny island, his thin arms tucked into his robes, held close to his chest with the empty sleeves hanging at his sides. The only heat source he had was his own body, and he was desperate for relief from the cold. It was like a leech, sucking away at the meager warmth he sustained. Moving around only seemed to make it worse, and after a while he sank to his knees and curled into a trembling ball.

"You know…" The cool tip of Hisa's tail on his forehead, lightly brushing his hair to the side as it fell away. "If you become hopeless or sad, it will rain… and the rain will be cold…" A light drizzle had already begun to fall, making clear beads on Hisa's whiskers.

"I'm… I'm sorry…"

"Nooo…" Hisa's whispered breath was as cold as the fog. "You see, I like the rain… Let the rain fall if you must. I do not care…"

The drizzle continued. Hanatarou shivered and curled up tighter, trying to keep the last wisp of warmth from escaping.


	4. May

_I've had this particular scene in mind for a long time, but I never had an excuse to write it out until now._

_This chapter brought to you by Breaking Benjamin's song "Water."_

_-Nir_

As Isane had promised, Hanatarou was given the best care available for someone in his condition. He was to be fed intravenously and bathed every few days. Precautions would be taken to prevent him from forming pressure ulcers on his skin. Acupuncture could be employed eventually to keep his muscles from wasting away. 4th Squad had only treated a handful of coma patience in the many centuries they'd been in operation, but they were just as efficient and complete in it as they were in the rest of their duties.

--

It had come to Hisa's attention that its master was miserable. For someone like him, whose greatest joy was to serve others, knowing that his body was simply laying about, a burden for others to worry over and take care of… why, it must have been torturous for him. He was in dire need of some sort of distraction, and Hisa knew exactly what would fulfill that need.

Hana would teach himself to swim.

Growing up in Rukon, there had been no bodies of water nearby appropriate for swimming, so Hanatarou had never had a reason to learn. In fact, he was quite frightened of deep water as any non-swimmer would be. Most of the water in Hisa's lake seemed to hang over a black void, but there were areas around the islands that were shallow enough to stand on.

Hisa presented this fact to Hanatarou after the initial suggestion that he should try to teach himself, plus the idea that it was excellent exercise and that it would distract him from his melancholy situation. The idea was turned down until Hisa offered that the flat stepping stones connecting the islands had no such shallows around them, and that if Hanatarou slipped and fell from their slick surface as he was wont to do, he would without a doubt drown, and he didn't want to stay on one small island for the entire time did he? Hanatarou asked it what would happen if he died here, and Hisa answered that it didn't know but it imagined he would either die in the real world as well, or never wake up.

Now Hanatarou stood on the shore of the tiny island, naked and trembling, his goose-pimpled arms crossed over his narrow chest, prepared to step into a basin as cold and lifeless as the moon. The water's chill was enough to make him grit his teeth as he waded in, feeling it slide over his knees, his waist, his belly. He'd expected to feel a layer of silt on the bottom, but there was none. Of course not. This place had no soil. The plants grew inexplicably on top of the rocks.

Hisa trotted just in front of him, occasionally disappearing behind fog banks. It was nimble for such a plump creature. By now the island was out of sight, and the surface of the lake was just touching Hanatarou's chin. He stopped, certain that he was in deep enough by now. The water was stunningly clear. He could see his bluish toes in perfect detail, and he wondered if it was possible to develop hypothermia in this place.

During the momentary pause Hisa had continued moving so that it too was hidden behind an opaque screen of fog. "Hanaaa…" It called softly, jerking his attention away from his numb extremities. "I did not say to stop, Hanaaa… Do you want this or not…?"

Hanatarou was beginning to wonder that himself. By now his mouth was submerged. The water had a very slightly metallic taste that he found familiar and not all that pleasant. "Hisa…" He gasped, straining to keep his head on the surface. "Could you… could you please come back? I can't even see you…"

"Haaaanaaaa…" The spirit's haunting voice seemed to come from all around him, its acoustics warped and eerie. Hanatarou turned on the spot, searching for its source. The cold was making him sluggish. It was difficult to concentrate. "Come oooon, Hanaaaa…"

Numbly he stumbled after the sound, the only one to be heard in this gray purgatory besides his own panted breaths and the sloshing of the icy water. Suddenly his foot caught the edge of the island's shelf and he slipped underwater, exhaling a cloud of bubbles in shock as his head went under. In the moment that his eyes were open he had the impression of an infinitely dark pit and his pale arms in front of him flailing pathetically against the abyss. In blind terror he clawed the water, seeking the secure solidness of the ground, just as he had before he'd plummeted over the side of the cliff nearly a month ago. One of his heels scraped the ledge and he flung himself backwards, forcing his cold-deadened limbs into action.

Unbelievable relief as he got both feet back on the rocky shelf. He felt lightheaded now as well as numb to the core. He needed to breathe. Air was only a few feet above his head. He straightened up, only to spew out more of precious air supply when his head collided with something solid. The sting managed to penetrate through the numbness.

Ice. A layer of ice, inches thick. It had not been there before, but it was there now, and Hanatarou was trapped in the airless, lifeless void of the lake. Unable to help it, he panicked again, hammering at the ice with his fists, pressing his shoulders against it until he no longer had the strength to lift his arms. Above him the ice grew dark and he thought he was blacking out, but then he recognized its shape. A round head on a round body, with two small pointed ears and a long tail curled loosely behind it.

_Hisa_ he mouthed, pressing a trembling hand against the silhouette. It simply tilted its head as if curious, as if wondering how he'd managed to get himself into trouble again, and contemplating the scolding it would give him later. Now the darkening was at the corners of his vision, and the shadow spread until he could see nothing else.

--

A frail murmur, accompanied by the slightest shifting movement. Isane glanced down at the limp figure in her arms. She'd been in the process of turning him over, just as she'd done two hours ago, and she would do again in two more. It was a tiresome process, partly because she was one of the few left who cared enough to make the effort. In the beginning those assigned to the care of 4th Squad's only coma patient had been diligent in their responsibilities, but after only a month… well, here she was, and had been, and would be.

"Hanatarou…" She whispered, leaning closer to him. His normally serene expression had been replaced by one of anxiety, as if he were in the middle of a nightmare. It was the first sign of life he'd shown since he'd been brought there, and if there was any chance that he might actually be waking up…

But no. A moment later he was as he had been before, dead to the outside world. She sighed and placed him back in the bed, replacing the blankets neatly. As an afterthought she spread an extra comforter overtop him. He'd felt awfully cold just then.

--

"Do not despair, Hanaaa... You did poorly your first time, but there will be other chances... I am doing this for you. Remember that. We will try again... tomorrow."


	5. June

_I wanted to get this chapter in before I left for Florida on Saturday. Additionally, I always find it interesting to see what forms people come up with for the other zanpakuto spirits, and I like to pick unusual ones myself that other people might not have thought of._

_-Nir_

--

Outside Hanatarou's temperature-controlled room the weather had grown warm. Normally he disliked this time of year, for it was during the summer months that outdoor labor was most commonly assigned. This time around he would be spared from slaving away in the hot sun, repainting and retiling and repairing. Ironic, as he missed the sunlight terribly…

--

"What do_ you_ want…?"

"To help."

"Nobody asked for your help… We do not need you."

"Even so, I wish to speak with you. You can only benefit from listening."

The immense snake shifted, its petal-colored scales rasping like dried leaves, stirring the peach blossoms that had built up against the side of its thick body. The wind dispersed them, laying some of them to rest on the surface of the shallow, crystal-clear pool that surrounded the rocky islet. This realm had many similarities to Hisagomaru's, but it exuded life and beauty while Hisa's was one of despondency.

"Ahh, of course… Tobiume-chan has experience with this sort of thing, so there is no reason we shouldn't aaall handle it the same waaaay…"

"You know that is not what I meant." The snake, specifically a basilisk with her deadly eyes hidden behind a blindfold of white cloth, leaned her blunt head closer to the small green spirit. "Tell me of your master's condition, Hisagomaru-san."

"A zanpakuto's spirit cares for one thing only, and that is its master… You have no reason to do this."

"But I do. Hinamori requested that I visit you and see if you were in need of guidance. Times like these are trying for both beings involved…"

"I will not say it again. We do not need your help. I am perfectly capable of taking care of Hana."

"You are anxious…" Tobiume's forked tongue flicked the air. "I do not believe you are telling me the truth."

Hisa snarled. "You do not think I am capable…"

The great snake was quiet for a moment. In the background the wind tossed the peach trees, scattering ever more petals about the crystal pool. Before she could reply, Hisa spoke again.

"Yes, yes… as I suspected… You think you know more about Hana than I do? He is not the same as your fragile little girl... All it took to incapacitate her was shock!" It hissed and scrambled backwards as Tombiume lashed out with her enormous tail, slamming it into the rock and scattering the white blossoms.

"I will not have you talk about Hinamori that way!" She roared, rearing high into the air. "What she went through was far more traumatizing than any physical injury. Do not make judgments about things you know nothing of!" She slithered closer to Hisa, pink flames wafting from her jaws. "Is this what you do, Hisagomaru? Lash out at those who wish to help your master for fear that your own influence will be undermined? No relationship between wielder and zanpakuto can survive that way…" Scales scraped rock as the snake lowered herself down again, though she still loomed high over the tiny green spirit. "I should leave you both to your fate, as I know many others would do. But my master sympathizes with your situation, and it would be wrong of me not to do her this small favor. My offer still stands, Hisagomaru-san, if you ever wish to take advantage of it…"

But Hisa would have no more, and it had already begun to retreat back to its own realm. Despite Tobiume's accusations, there had been no rain since the drizzle that had fallen on the second day. Hanatarou was still miserable, there was no doubt about that, but he was not hopeless.

--

Said Shinigami was on the same island he had started out on, his knees drawn up to his chest, looking as gray-on-gray as the surroundings. He hardly acknowledged Hisa as it climbed up onto his back and settled its plump body around his bony shoulders, except to shudder slightly at its touch. This was an improvement. Before, Hisa had been limited to light stroking with its tail or paws, touches that it intended to comfort but only seemed to upset him. Now it could drape itself on him in any way it pleased.

"It was no one, Hana." The spirit said, twining its tail around his linked fingers, though he hadn't said a word. "Nothing, and noooobody…"

Hanatarou nodded, his eyes on the ground in front of his feet. "Maybe next time they could come here…" He said quietly.

"No, nooo…" Six sharp, painful pricks as Hisa dug its claws into his shoulders. "It would only make you sadder to be reminded of what you are missing outside… I do not want you to be sad, Hanaaa… That is why I do not let you see them…"

"I think I'd like to anyway, even if it did make me feel sad later. I really…" He hesitated. Hisa shifted itself a bit, trying to find a position where it wasn't being poked in the belly by his shoulder bones. Hana seemed to be much thinner lately. Perhaps the nurses were getting lazy with refilling the nutrient solution given to him through the IV in his arm, or it could simply be an effect of prolonged stay in his zanpakuto's miserable inner realm. "I miss everyone…"

"I know you do... But, I am here… I am enough, aren't I, Hana…?"

Hanatarou was quiet, like the cold stone underneath him.

"Aren't I, Hanaaaa?" The claws again, digging into him, almost desperately.

"Yes, Hisa. You're enough."

--

"Hisa would not listen."

"Mm… well, Hisagomaru-san is like that…"

It was cold between the realms of Tobiume and Itegumo. Snowflakes mixed with the petals scattered about the boulders, making an oddly-textured patchwork of white.

"You have spoken to it?"

"Well… I have seen it. It watches her while she cares for him…"

"It watches...?" Tobiume was not bothered by the chill, despite her reptilian form. She was welcome in Itegumo's realm, and the wind was refreshing rather than biting.

"Yes, yes. It watches her, with those scary eyes..." Itegumo shifted his wings, disturbing the light dusting of snow that had fallen on them. The spirit of Isane's zanpakuto took the form of a slender, majestic white griffin with striking silver claws and eyes. Its fierce appearance was rather at odds with its timid demeanor.

Tobiume waited for him to continue. He didn't. "She really does care for him, your master. His own mother would not have done a better job."

Itegumo did not seem to have heard the compliment. "It hates her. It hates everyone, because it thinks they will take him away from it. It wants to be the only one he cares about…" He anxiously kneaded the snow with his paws. "I've seen it, sitting beside him and watching her as she… She cares so much for him. I do not know why it cannot be happy that he has people who love him."

"Hisagomaru-san is a strange zanpakuto."

Again, the icy spirit gave no acknowledgement to Tobiume's words. "If it… if it could make itself physical, I think it would kill her… I've heard the things it says to her. It speaks with such venom, that I have no doubt…"

"Itegumo-san." The basilisk's voice was soft but strong, breaking the griffin out of his panicked monologue. "I agree that Hisa is possessive, but there is no reason you should worry yourself sick over it. Isane-san is in no danger. She cannot hear its threats, and you would do well to turn a deaf ear to them too."

Itegumo nodded, composing himself. "Yes, you're right. Of course… But you know, no matter how desperate its gets, it will not come to us. If what you said is true, it has made up its mind to let its master suffer through the coming days so that we will not have the satisfaction of proving it wrong…"


	6. July

_Sorry Ely. I lied about the academy chapter. There will be one, but this isn't it._

_-Nir_

The summer's blue heat faded to a gentler smolder as the months passed. Hanatarou had few visitors besides Isane and the couple of loyal squad members who continued to care for him. Of course, Hisa did not tell him about the visits. After months of "No, Hana… Nobody came today." Hanatarou stopped asking. At first he suspecting the spirit was lying, once again looking out for him in its unorthodox way. Soon though, he realized that there would be no point in anybody visiting him when he would be completely unaware of their presence.

There was simply nothing to do in Hisa's realm. Hanatarou could swim now, but had no desire to go back into the freezing water. Even sleep was impossible, due to the hard, uneven ground and the damp, chilly air. Not only that, but he never felt tired. His body was already resting, and there was rarely anything to occupy his mind. He did not want to pine for those he'd left behind, but found himself unable to think about anything else. It was silly. They had lives of their own. Why would they waste any concern on him? He should be working on a way to wake himself up, if there was one.

The monotony was not at all helped by Hisa's sudden disinterest in him. The spirit was less talkative than it had been in the previous months. It no longer made attempts at conversation, and ignored most of Hanatarou's. Sometimes, Hisa would disappear off into the unearthly vastness of the lake, leaving Hanatarou alone. Though he knew that nothing else existed in the dead realm, he allowed himself to see things in the distant, shifting fog, and he would become frightened. Hisagomaru found that its master was always immensely relieved when it returned, even more so the longer it was away. It was an interesting connection, certainly, and one that Hisa would happily exploit. Hana had no other companions in this place. His memories of those he cared about in the real world were not enough to support him, so Hisa had to make up for their frailty. It sought to gradually tip those metaphorical pillars over until it was the only one that remained.

--

"Why isn't he better? You said he'd be better in a few months."

"I didn't say for sure-"

"Yes you did! Now it's been that long and nothing's happened!"

"Please, Shiba-san…" Isane raised her hands in an attempt to calm the large man. "We gave you an estimate. When this happens to someone, there's really no telling when they will wake."

"You said you'd take care of him! Look at him!" Ganju flung an arm in the direction of Hanatarou's bed. "He's wastin' away!"

"That's typical of coma patients."

"Can't you guys do anything to make it stop?"

"No. We really can't…" Isane sighed. She'd been busy all week and didn't have the patience to put up with Ganju at the moment. "I understand your concern, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"But…"

"We're doing all we can for him. I'm sorry to say it, but your presence here makes it harder for us." She gave him a sympathetic smile. "I'm really sorry, Shiba-san…"

Ganju stared at her for a moment. He wanted to argue, but he knew she was right. A big oaf like him wouldn't be any use in this place. What could he do? Blow things up with his fireworks? Even that wouldn't wake Hanatarou.

The kid had whined a lot about feeling like he was useless, and Ganju had always cuffed him on the back of the head, told him he was not, and demanded that he shut up about it. Now, he knew what Hanatarou had been talking about. It really was a terrible feeling, knowing your best friend was dying in the next room and there wasn't a single thing you could do but stay out of it.

Resigned, he exited without another word to Isane. She watched him go, then peered back into Hanatarou's room. Same as always, though the occupant was a bit paler and thinner now than he'd been when he was admitted. No additional signs of life to his breathing and the occasional flicker of his eyes beneath his closed eyelids. At least his mind was working as he slept.

"What are you thinking about, Hana…?" She asked quietly, crossing her arms as she leaned against the doorframe.

"Hopefully something happy."

Isane jumped. "T-taicho! I didn't hear you come in…"

Unohana smiled at her vice-captain. "Yes, I can be very quiet when I want to. What are you doing, Isane?"

"Just… just checking up on him." Isane replied. "He's, uh… he's doing okay…"

"As I expected." Unohana said. "Except that he has not woken, he is fine. Am I right?"

"Um…" Isane wasn't exactly sure what her captain expected her to say. "Y-yes... Taicho? I know you said it might be years, but… would you really let it last that long? He isn't brain-dead. Something's going on in there, and I'm sure he knows what's happened…"

Unohana listened patiently. She knew what Isane was going to ask, and answered during her vice-captain's hesitation. "I will wait as long as I can. Unless he slips into a completely vegetative state, we cannot even consider that option."

"I… I understand, taicho." She had to agree. Hanatarou might even have a link to the outside world through the spirit of his zanpakuto. What would he think of them if they gave up so quickly?

What would he think if they decided to end his suffering?

--

As insubstantial as the distraction was, Hanatarou found himself withdrawing into his memories again and again. It was difficult to stay away from thoughts of those he missed so dearly. This memory, however, wasn't a pleasant one. Hisa was gone, and he'd found himself thinking about it for once, as he thought of others like Rukia and Ganju. The ghostly words of a conversation they'd shared had drifted like the ambient fog from the back of his mind, where he put all sorts of things he didn't like to think about.

"I… I couldn't…"

"Why not…?"

At the time, the gray clouds had been riding high above the lake's surface, urged swiftly along by a chilly wind. It was the sort of ominous weather that preceded a storm. The storm was coming, but not for Hanatarou.

"They're trying to save Rukia-san. Don't you think-"

"No. _You _think, just for a moment about what would happen… These men are ryoka… Ruthless invaders… They have already hurt many, and they will continue their destruction if they are not stopped…"

Hanatarou was quiet, watching his pale reflection pensively. Even in the brisk breeze the water was still. At the moment his body was held captive by two of these invaders. Initially they'd tried to use him as a hostage, but he'd proved useless in that respect. Most likely, the only reason he was alive was that he was a healer. In fact, he'd just patched up them both, and Hisa had summoned him to its realm when he'd passed out from exhaustion.

"But… they're not really _bad_." He finally said. "They're just trying to rescue someone they care about…"

"I knooow, Hanaaaa… And I know you care for her too… Am I right…?" Hisa leaned in closer, putting its paws up on his crossed knees.

"I… I guess…" He looked timidly down at his lap, as he always did when such subjects were raised. "She was really nice to me, and I don't think she deserves to be executed. I want to save her too…"

"But you would be a hero! You would have taken down two of the strongest ryoka! Think of the praise, the admiration… You might even be promoted! Wouldn't you like that, Hanaaa?"

"I… maybe, but not if I had to… kill someone to get it." He winced as Hisa's nails dug into his skin.

"But… you are a Shinigami, Hanaaa…" The spirit grinned at him through clenched teeth. "You have destroyed Hollows… It will be no different. They lie asleep and helpless, Hanaaa… It will be so _easy_…"

Hanatarou shook his head, knowing what was coming. "It's not the same. Purifying Hollows and murdering someone defenseless…"

"This might be your only opportunity!" Hisa snarled, through with being patient. "Do not let it slip by! Kill them, Hana! Kill them and let us be recognized!" Its breath was cold, unpleasant in the same way a draft was in an otherwise warm bed. "Do you want to remain a servant, forever undistinguished?!" It swiped a paw at him, catching the side of his chin and leaving a trio of bright red lines. "KILL THEM, HANA! USE ME TO KILL THEM!"

He shoved it back. "I'm not that kind of person! Even if you beg me, I'll never be able to do it!"

Hisa's response was another enraged hiss as it flung itself at him again, clawing his bare wrists as he flailed against its attacks. He was aware that he was crying out in pain, but didn't realize it had carried over to the real world.

The light changed. He was back in the dingy sewer. Ichigo and Ganju were staring at him.

"What the hell was that?" Ichigo asked. At least Hanatarou thought it had been Ichigo. At the time he'd still been disoriented. The pain of Hisa's scratches lingered dully, though he found no marks on his face or hands.

He rubbed the back of his head nervously, looking away from them. "It… it was nothing…"


	7. August

_This chapter was delayed due to SATs, finals, and general not-very-well-thought-outedness. I think it may be the darkest one so far._

_-Nir_

"This is Iemura Yashochika, 3rd seat of the 4th division, whom many believe would be suited to grander things than paperwork!"

"_Grander things? Ha!"_

Iemura glared at the crested cockatoo perched on the chair next to him before returning to his journal. "I keep this diary in hopes that the common man may understand the suffering of those in middle-management. Today-"

"_Misuse of company property!"_ Taikomochi screeched inside his head, fluttering its wings. _"Broken cleaning utensils! Mops! Brooms! Order forms, order forms!"_

"Be quiet!" Demanded Iemura, startling a passing nurse. She looked at him oddly. He glared at her too. She moved on, shaking her head. Iemura kneaded his temples, then continued writing. "As I was saying before I was so _rudely_ interrupted…"

Taikomochi cocked its head at him, its black eyes bright innocent. _"Interrupted? __**Interrupted**__? I am only helping, Yasochika-san! My only joy is to assist you in your administrative duties!"_

"Then why don't you keep your beak shut and let me finish?" Inwardly, Iemura cursed his bad luck for the fourth time that day. Other Shinigami had zanpakuto whose spirits were respectful, who held their tongues when their input was not needed. Taikomochi, on the other hand, saw fit to mimic him and inject its opinions and observations whenever it felt like it. Sometimes it kept him from getting any work done at all, and then complained that _he_ was the incompetent one! "Stupid bird… I would like to barbeque the damn thing!"

"_You're speaking out loud again, Yashochika-san!"_

Iemura gritted his teeth and went back to his journal. For a few blessed minutes his zanpakuto's spirit remained quiet, long enough for him to finish up the equipment order forms. It did not even insult his penmanship. He was just putting away his ink kit when the spirit spoke up again.

"_Yasochika-san, Isn't there something else you had to do…?"_ It asked slyly.

"What? No, I don't believe so…"

"_A very special assignment, given to you by Isane-fukutaicho…"_

"Oh. That." He'd been given the displeasurable job of turning the coma patient at 2 o' clock in the afternoon and morning every day that month. Not that it was a completely unreasonable assignment, but wasn't that the sort of thing you gave to an unseated officer? The vice-captain apparently didn't think so. Duty was to be shared equally among all members of the 4th division, she said.

Iemura finished neatening up his supplies and made his way to the small, out-of-the-way room where the coma patient was kept. The heavy August heat had not managed to penetrate its cool interior. In the corner the ventilator still hummed, though the bulky oxygen mask had been replaced by a simple breathing tube below the patient's nose. This vied for space with the feeding tube that snaked down his left nostril in place of the IV. It did not look like he was expected to wake any time soon.

"Geez…" The third-seat muttered. He recalled overhearing a conversation between two lower-seated officers about being assigned to care for the coma patient. It really wasn't that much work just to turn the guy over, was it? He didn't even look very heavy. The ingrates. They didn't know how easy they had it. Iemura placed his journal on the small table next to the bed and worked his hands underneath the patient's body, being careful not to move any of the tubes connected to him. He was just gingerly turning him onto his side when he heard someone step into the room behind him.

"Oh! Isane-fukutaicho!" In his haste to stand at attention he accidentally dropped the patient back onto the bed, where he landed clumsily sprawled on his side. Isane rushed over to right him before Iemura could react. When she found that nothing had been jolted out of place, she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Er… forgive my carelessness, fukutaicho… I did not expect you see you." Iemura mumbled. Isane waved a dismissive hand at him.

"No, no, it's okay… Everything's fine." She brushed her braids back and stood with her arms crossed, still not looking at Iemura. For a few minutes they both stood there in silence. Iemura wondered why she hadn't dismissed him yet. Clearly he was no longer needed.

"If you don't mind me asking, fukutaicho…" He began. "If you intended to come in here yourself, why did you bother assigning me to the patient?"

"Oh, well... You know… it doesn't always get done, and then I have to come back and do it myself. Usually it does, but… I just wanted to make sure… I'm sorry. I'm rambling, aren't I?" She looked fitfully from Iemura to the boy laying on the bed.

"_She really thinks you would neglect your duties_?" Taikomochi sounded incredulous. _"The nerve! This may be a silly thing for one of your standing, but it is still important!"_

"I would never!" Iemura agreed, then stammered when Isane gave him a puzzled look. "Er, I mean, I would never forget to carry out my assignments, fukutaicho!"

"I didn't expect you to…" Isane said, sounding distracted again. "You may leave now, Iemura-san."

He did so, but found that he didn't like that distant look in her eyes. It wasn't right for a medical officer to become too attached to a single patient. Duty had to be shared equally, wasn't that what she'd said? He would bring it up next time he saw her. Nothing good could come out of time at the bedside of someone who didn't even know you were there.

--

"Haaanaaaaa…"

Hisa was pleased to see Hanatarou look up so sharply. It wasn't surprising, as he hadn't heard his name in weeks. The poor boy hadn't heard any voices at all, even his own. Earlier he'd tried talking to himself, but had found it only made him feel more alone, and quickly gave up on it.

"Hana." The spirit said again, tersely. Hanatarou nodded, unsure how else to respond to Hisa's sudden interest. It would not have surprised him if Hisa didn't say anything else, and simply left him in silence as it had done in the past month. However, that would not be the case this time. The spirit strolled over to him, brushing against his back like an affectionate cat. "Your time here will go much slower if we sit here in silence… why have you been so quiet, Hanaaa…? Why do you ignore me?"

"But… I…" Hanatarou stammered after a moment. He'd been under the impression that Hisa was the one ignoring him, not the other way around. "I thought you…"

"No, no…" Hisa interrupted before he could manage any coherent thoughts. "I understand. This is a time of great stress, and if you prefer to suffer in silence I will not stop you…" It stared at him expectantly. Hanatarou wasn't sure what it wanted him to say.

Finally he spoke up, softly. "I… I could talk to you, Hisa… I didn't know you wanted to, so… I'm sorry. I should have been paying more attention…" His voice was shaky and hoarse from disuse. He was nervous too. Hisa might decide to leave again, so he'd have to be very careful not to say anything that would upset it. He didn't want to be left alone anymore, not now that it had come back to him.

"You do not have to make excuses. I will forgive you…" Hisa lifted his drooping chin with its tail, making him look out into the writhing mist. "But I wish to know… just what has been going on in that little mind of yours that you must look so wistful all the time…?"

The shapes in the mist never appeared when Hisa was near, no matter how hard Hanatarou looked for them. It swirled and dipped but no faces formed to leer knowingly at him, as if he were an intruder in their translucent dimension. "I was just thinking… About everyone else. I know you said it wasn't good to do that, but I don't want to forget them. Imagine, if I woke up and didn't know who anyone was…" He smiled at his joke and continued. "I was thinking about Rukia-san, about the time when I first met her…"

"Ah, yes… I was not often with you, as you left me behind many of those times…" Hisa's tail twined itself around his neck, pressing its chill to his warm flesh. Hanatarou wanted to reach up and remove it, but he didn't want Hisa to become offended. It was probably best to leave it alone for now.

"I…" He hesitated, and the dreamy quality of his voice faltered. That was good. Hisa did not care much for it.

"Do not apologize…" It soothed. "Please, tell me more…"

He did, more tentatively than before. "Well, uh… She told me about the living world, and about Ichigo and his classmates. We talked about a lot of things. It was always nice seeing her…"

"But you have not seen her for a while yet, have you…?"

"She's in a different company…" Hanatarou held still as Hisa settled itself in his lap, curling up in the same catlike manner, its tail still resting around his neck.

"Indeed… and thus the only times you have had to spend with her occurred when she was injured or otherwise incapacitated…" It said, half-closing its eyes lazily. "It was not her choice to be there… It is never anybody's choice. Such unpleasant things cannot be avoided. Her conversations with you were simply a way to blunt the horrible boredom of waiting for her death..."

Hanatarou was pensively quiet for a few minutes before speaking again. "I… I don't think it was like that at all. She always seemed so happy to see me…" He winced as Hisa rolled onto its side, digging its back legs into his belly.

"Hmm, yes… perhaps…" It mumbled sleepily, making Hanatarou wonder if it had really been listening at all. "And then, perhaps not. People are so difficult to figure out, aren't they, Hanaaa…? You have done so much for so many people, and yet… you are alone now, left to rot in your forgotten little room…" It grinned knowingly up at his surprise. "Your caretakers are neglectful… I have seen the pitiful condition your body is in. You are dying, Hana, and they are allowing it to happen…"

"No…" Hanatarou whispered. "They wouldn't… Why are you telling me this, Hisa? I… I know you don't want me to feel lonely, but-"

"Please, Hana." Hisa interrupted. "Think about it. Your captain has an entire company to oversee. You are but a waste of resources. A liability. It would be soooo unspeakably selfish to expect her to devote her time to someone like you…"

"But… she…" What Hisa was saying made no sense. Unohana cared for all her subordinates. Hanatarou knew this from personal experience. He could recall an instance when he'd been up nearly 48 hours straight due to some sort of a scheduling error, and he'd more or less collapsed in the middle of a hallway. He recalled being picked up and carried to a room with a bed, but now he couldn't be sure if Unohana had been the one to do it... It was hard to be sure of things. There was too much fog.

Yet he couldn't deny that his current condition forced him to rely completely on others, which he hated to do. That was an extreme for him. There were very few things he hated. Maybe his squad-mates resented him for it. If they did, he wouldn't blame them. The accident of him being dropped off the execution hill had been partially his fault, after all. If he'd been more careful he might have been able to avoid them and none of this would have happened. But even if his caretakers were resentful they would still do their jobs. He himself did not relish bandaging up 11th Division officers who would probably return to torment him in a few days, but he would never neglect his duties for something so shallow. Whatever Hisa was trying to do, it was going about it the wrong way.

"Hanaaa…?" The spirit lightly brushed his cheek with a tail-tip. "You're being very quiet, Hanaaaa… I do not like to say these things, but I also do not want to lie to you…"

"But you are." Hanatarou gently tucked his hands under Hisa's body and rolled it off his lap. He then stood, stiff from sitting in the same position for too long. On the ground, Hisa clumsily got to its feet and peered up at him. It was odd, but Hanatarou thought it looked rather nervous. "Unohana-taicho would never let that happen to anybody. She didn't become a captain by being careless…"

"But as I just said, I have seen it myself… What could I gain from telling you lies?" Hisa asked, its voice strained.

"I don't know. But if they didn't think I was going to recover, they wouldn't let me lie around like this. I'm still alive, so they must have hope…" Despite his words, a tiny needle of doubt had embedded itself in Hanatarou's guts. He tried to push it away. It was wrong to think of that. Hisa was lying. It _must_ be lying…

"How do you know?" Hisa asked. "Maybe you have already died, and simply have not realized it yet… Nobody truuuly knows what happens when a Shinigami dieees. It might be exactly like this…"

"I'm… I'm not dead…"

"But what if you are?"

"I'm not! I… I'd know! Somehow…"

"Would you really?"

"Yes! I…" He looked down at the grinning spirit curled around his ankles. "I'm not… I'm…"

"You're what, Hanaaa…?"

Hanatarou stared at it, suddenly very afraid of the answer to Hisa's question. He stumbled backwards and ran from it, following the slippery path of rocks that curled outward from the island's shore. The fog was oppressive, bearing down on him like a lead sheet. It seemed to dart in front of him and cover his path so he nearly fell into the awful, dead water of the lake. He was too busy trying not to trip to notice just how far away he was getting. The lake was endless in all directions, and yet after what seemed to be hours, he still felt like Hisa was right behind him. Eventually he came to another island, barely as wide as he was tall. He was out of breath, both chilled to the bone and burning up. Dizzy, he sat down, hiding his head in his trembling arms. Hisa was far away now, and he knew that if he tried to see anything through the fog it would only frighten him. It was like some monster's cold breath, as if he was sitting on one of its rotted teeth as it breathed in and out.

Maybe the terror of the fog would be less horrible than the terror of Hisa's suggestions that he might be forgotten, that he might never wake, or wake to find himself about to die… That he might already be dead. He didn't want to believe any of it, but out here, where he was without anything but his disloyal memories to reassure him, it was all too easy to accept.


	8. September

_You promise me the sky_

_Then toss me like a stone._

_You wrap me in your arms_

_And chill me to the bone._

- "_In Pieces" by Linkin Park_

While Hanatarou spoke most often of missing his friends, there were other absences that weighed heavily upon him. Little things he had often taken for granted in the past. He missed the feeling of warmth, whether from the sun or a fire or the body of another living creature. There was no sun in Hisa's realm, no day or night, only the endless opaque fog that kept him constantly shivering. He missed food, and the feeling of being happily sated after a warm meal. He felt no hunger here, but that lack of sensation was almost as bad as being constantly starving. He missed the comfort of his bed and the wonderful security of curling up beneath his blankets after a fulfilling day of hard work, knowing another one awaited him tomorrow. There was nothing to be accomplished here, nothing to feel satisfied about doing. He could only exist and maintain his sanity as best he could.

He even missed color. This place seemed to drain the vitality from everything beneath its sky. Only Hisa's vibrant skin and eyes remained bright. Hanatarou's own skin seemed to have taken on the non-color of the fog. The eyes in his reflection were gray and dull, not the clear, pale blue he remembered them to be. Once he'd cut himself tripping over a protruding rock and washed his bleeding hand in the water. The crimson cloud of blood had been whisked away instantly by some phantom current, as if it was unwelcome in such a lifeless place. Afterwards Hanatarou had learned just how weak his spirit energy was in this place. It had taken him nearly ten minutes to heal that tiny cut. From then on he was much more careful.

Often he wondered how long he'd been here, and considered scratching lines into the rock for every estimated day from that point on. It occurred to him, though, that he might eventually look upon all the lines he had accumulated and realize how hopeless it was to imagine that he would ever wake up. So he made no lines.

He'd found a few island, bigger than the first and covered in sparse grass. There was a curious structure in the middle of it; a shallow stone bowl sunken into the ground, about as big across as the length of his arm. Embedded in front of it was a stone panel engraved with a worn kanji he couldn't read. The bowl seemed to serve no purpose he could see, so he left it alone. Around the edge of the island bloomed a few sad water lilies, standing like frail sentinels. He sat next to them now, his eyes on his toes curled just above the edge of the water. Idly he wondered what his last meal had been, and whom he had last spoken to. It had probably been one of his squadmates, possibly the person he had sat next to during that last meal. He could not recall, and that scared him. He'd already admitted his fears of waking up to the faces of people he'd forgotten, but what about all the other things he knew? All his medical knowledge and his memories of Soul Society's layout? Quickly he ran through sewer routes, the names of healing spells, what his room had looked like. To his relief, it all came easily. But what was to stop him from forgetting all of that? He would need to refresh himself every day. Hisa would help him with that, wouldn't it? Except he had no idea where Hisa was. It had disappeared again after he'd run away from it. Sometimes he caught glimpses of it on the edge of his vision. He wondered what it was waiting for. He'd already shouted his apologies into the fog, hoping in vain that it would forgive him and come back. His hallucinations weren't as bad any more. He could ignore them as long as he looked away as soon as they began showing up. Frightened as he'd been the last time, he missed Hisa. It was the only companion he had here, and he'd messed up again and scared it off…

"Do you know what this is?"

Hanatarou's breath caught in his throat as he looked back over his shoulder. Hisa. Hisa was there. Had it forgiven him? Before he could say anything, it repeated its question.

"Do you know. What this is." It accentuated its words by tapping its tail on the lip of the stone bowl. Mutely, Hanatarou shook his head.

"Aha… I thought so." It slowly traced the bowl's circumference. Hanatarou's eyes followed. "I'm surprised it has taken you so long to find it. It is a very important thing, you see…"

"It's a bowl…"

"And do you know what goes in the bowl, Hana?"

"Uh…" What did it want him to say? Was it a trick question? Would Hisa disappear again if he answered it wrong? It might be best to just answer honestly. "I don't know… Hisa, if I offended you in any way the last time I saw you, then-"

The spirit held up a paw, silencing his spewed apology. "This bowl is only filled when you make use of your zanpakuto… when you absorb the wounds of others. I drink from it… But now it is empty…" It gazed wistfully at the bowl for a moment, and then looked up sharply. "Hana… there are things you miss, aren't there?"

"Ah, well… yes, but it's nothing too important… I've already talked enough about missing other people." He hesitated. Maybe now was a good time to ask. "Hisa, if you wouldn't mind, do you think we could-"

"Because I miss things too, Hana." The spirit interrupted him again. "Have you ever thought of that? You are not the only one suffering from this…"

Hanatarou was speechless. To be honest, he really hadn't considered what Hisa might be feeling, let alone think that it might be suffering. No wonder it was avoiding him. How could he have been so insensitive? He'd spent so much time worrying about only himself and what was going to happen to him, that he hadn't thought of his spirit at all. "Hisa… I'm… I shouldn't have run away from you. I, uh…" He looked away, ashamed that he couldn't think of something more apologetic to say. "I promise I'll stay with you this time… I'm really sorry… If there's anything I can do to make up for it, somehow…"

"Hanaaa…" Hisa's tail cupped his chin and lifted his head so their eyes could meet. "It is not all your fault… I should have said something. Do not blame yourself…"

"B-but…" He felt like crying. How could he not blame himself? It was his fault for being so thoughtless! "I'm sorry, Hisa…"

"I expect that you are. But I know something that will make you feel better…"

"You do?"

"Yes… Remember I told you there were certain things I missed? You see…" It glanced over at the stone bowl. "I miss drinking from my well. If you cannot use your zanpakuto, I cannot drink. What I have in mind will be a poor substitute, but it will have to do, and you will be able to give something back to me…"

"Ah, okay… so what do you need me to do?" Hanatarou asked, unsure where Hisa was going with this. It wanted a drink? It had an entire lake to sip from, though whatever it was that filled the stone bowl was probably more potent than water.

"You don't need to do anything…" Hisa said quietly, speaking as if it were addressing a particularly dull child. "Simply put your arm out and hold still…"

Hanatarou hesitated, knowing now what was coming. If this was the only way to make Hisa happy, he would oblige. He swallowed, apprehensive, and held his arm out in front of him with the sleeve pulled back to his elbow. Would Hisa mind if he closed his eyes? Hopefully not. He couldn't help wincing as Hisa's sharp claws opened long slits in his flesh, sliding from his elbow to his wrist. The pain was soon joined by a numb, tingling sensation, as if a section of his skin had fallen asleep. The numbness traveled up the cuts, covering up their sting. He bit his lower lip and tried to blot out what was happening.

It took longer than expected for Hisa to finish. Even when he suspected the spirit was done, Hanatarou kept his eyes closed. He'd bitten into his lip and now it was bleeding too, the drops drying itchy on his chin. He reached up to wipe them away with his unhurt hand, but before he could he felt something cold and rough press itself to his mouth, wiping away the blood on his lips. Surprised by the unpleasant sensation he scrambled back, rubbing his mouth with his sleeve. When he opened his eyes, Hisa was once again nowhere in sight.

He ran his sleeve across his mouth again, unable to rid himself of that disgusting feeling of Hisa's tongue on his face. At least it had healed his lip for him. Now the spirit was gone again, but Hanatarou had a feeling it would come back. He had done something nice for it, given something back to it in belated thanks for letting him stay here. When he saw it next he would tell it about his ideas to preserve his memories, and it would help him. He was sure of it.

--

"Isane-fukutaichio? What are you doing out here with Yamada-san?"

Isane looked up at her captain. She was seated on the front steps of the division office, Hanatarou's limp body in her arms.

"Taicho…" She held him a little closer, as if fearful that Unohana would snatch him from her. "I… I wanted to take him outside, while it was still warm. He's so terribly pale…"

Unohana frowned slightly, concerned. Isane had been acting strangely lately. She seemed distracted and had even gone so far as to neglect the paperwork she'd been assigned, though she'd finished it later after many apologies. "I realize that, but you do understand the risks of doing this, don't you? If he were to stop breathing suddenly, we might not be able to get him hooked back up to his breathing tube in time."

"I know…" Isane admitted, standing. "I'm being foolish… It just doesn't seem like it would benefit his health at all to stay in that dark room all the time, with no fresh air or light…"

"Isane-fukutaicho, please be rational." Unohana took the tall lieutenant by the elbow and began to lead her back inside. "It's gotten late, and it's no longer warm out here. Have you even looked at Yamada-san since you brought him out?"

Isane peered down at the boy in her arms, shifting his insubstantial weight so she could get a better look at his face. His lips and fingers were slightly blue, and his body was shivering in an unconscious attempt to keep itself warm. Isane stared at him for a moment before letting out a loud sob and hugging him to her tightly.

"I'm sorry Hanatarou!" She wailed. "I'm… I'm not doing a very good job, am I?"

Unohana calmly removed Hanatarou from her hysterical lieutenant's arms and began carrying him toward his room. Isane followed, still sobbing. "I don't know what I was thinking! Taking you out into the cold night… I'm not worthy to be the vice-captain of the healing division if I make mistakes like that!"

"Isane-fukutaicho." Her captain's firm voice brought her back. "I order you to calm down. It would not be a good idea for our other patients to see you in this state. They may think something is wrong, and they will become worried."

Isane sniffed loudly and nodded. "Forgive me, taicho… I don't know what's gotten into me lately…"

"I forgive you. Now please, go get some rest. I will see to it that Yamada-san is taken care of."

"Of course, taicho…" She gave the unconscious boy in Unohana's arms a last solemn look before heading off to her own quarters. When she was out of sight, Unohana placed Hanatarou back in his own bed, replaced his breathing and feeding tubes, and tucked his blankets back over his body. Sighing, she brushed his dark bangs away from his face.

"I hope you are sleeping peacefully, Yamada-san… I know how much you dislike being the cause of conflict, so it would be better to think that you are unaware of what goes on around you. But if you are... please, try to wake soon."


	9. October

_I can't believe I had anonymous reviewing disabled… Well, it's on now, so feel free to review, my non-account-having readers._

_-Nir_

Itegumo was concerned. His master had been acting oddly for several months. Not that she wasn't an unusual person to begin with. The woman frequently had nightmares about condiments, but this was something else entirely. She was distracted to the point where she was walking into walls, which was not at all helped by the fact that she hadn't had a good night's sleep in weeks. Itegumo hated seeing her so hung up on something, even if it was due to something as important as caring for a patient.

"So… I just thought I'd find out for her how your master is doing... Would that be all right with you, Hisagomaru-san?"

The tiny island on which the griffin stood was bordered with a delicate doily of frost. The wind howled like it was being tortured, sending fog billowing eerily around the two spirits. Hisa stood on the water's surface. Little crusts of ice had formed around its feet.

"Ah… the snake asked something similar of me… My answer is no." Hisa said, twitching its tail impatiently. "Must I repeat my reasons for keeping Hana isolated?"

"But…" Itegumo hesitated. He did not want to act pushy, but Hisa had to understand his reasoning. "Don't you think this would be good for both of them? It would put my master's mind at ease, and yours would have someone to talk to for a little while, to let him know that he's still being taken care of... You understand, don't you?"

"Oh yes, I understand…" Hisa's paws broke the ice surrounding them with a minute _chink_ as it took a step toward Itegumo. "You wish to remind Hana of everything he is missing… Everything he cannot have… Surely you do not intend to be so selfish."

Itegumo shook his head hurriedly. "No, no, I… I really do think it would be good for him. I have only his best interests in mind… Please don't get the wrong idea, Hisagomaru-san."

"We do not need you or your master." Hisa said flatly. Itegumo's claws scrabbled on the rocky shore as he attempted to back away from the advancing spirit. "It would be best for Hana to be alone, as he is right now. Sudden change is never a good thing in delicate situations like this. The effects cannot be predicted. That is why you will stay away. Do you understand…?"

"I do, but…" Itegumo watched as Hisa began to circle the little island he stood on. "You cannot truthfully tell me that all is well with your master. He is wasting away despite any effort to keep him healthy. It isn't normal…"

"That is the fault of the caretakers, not my own…" Hisa said. "I would never mistreat the only person I care about. It is your master who is wrong…"

Itegumo frowned. "My… Isane would never neglect a patient. You know how dedicated she is to him. I know that you watch her, and that you don't like her. I may not know why you feel that way, but don't ever speak as if you know her better than I do…"

"Ooh…" Hisa cooed. It seemed to have touched a nerve. "Where were you when she so lovingly took him from his bed into the cold…? Perhaps next time she'll drop him and he'll split his head open, or maybe she'll be too busy cuddling him to remember to refill his nutrients… Anyway, you have no right to be lecturing _me_ about neglect..."

Speechless, Itegumo stared down at his reflection, his claws curled tightly against the rock. True, Isane had been preoccupied lately, and she had made a few mistakes. Her heart was in the right place, though, and if she only knew that Hanatarou was doing well in Hisa's realm, maybe she would be able to focus better.

"Hisagomaru-san…" He finally spoke. "You must let me see your master, for both his sake and Isane's. She may very well hurt him in her current state, but if I were able to reassure her…" His voice trailed off. Hisa was staring at him, its eyes hard and unyielding. "Please, Hisagomaru-san…"

"Leave." Hisa began to turn back toward its own realm. "I no longer wish to hear your insipid whining. Your master's incompetence is not my problem. Deal with her on your own."

Itegumo could remain docile no longer. "Have you not been listening?!" The griffin demanded. "You said it yourself! Your master could die if Isane remains as she is now." Hisa did not even acknowledge Itegumo's outburst and remained with its back turned toward the other spirit. "Will you allow him to die for the sake of your own selfishness? Just because you don't want anybody else to see what you are doing to him? You say you care about him, but you really don't, do you? You only care about your influence on him!"

Almost as soon as the words had left his mouth, Itegumo felt Hisa's claws dig into his skin as the smaller spirit latched onto his neck, wrapping its long tail tightly around his throat. The griffin screeched in surprise and clawed at Hisa, beating his wings in agitation, but he could not get it to let go, and its grip was getting tighter. In his agitation Itegumo had backed farther into the water, which seemed to cling to his legs like icy concrete.

"Do not speak of things you do not understand, little birdy…" Hisa said softly, its breath cold on Itegumo's ear. "Hana and I are not the same as you, and we do not need your help…"

Itegumo shrieked as Hisa sunk its teeth into his ear, and then shrieked louder as it pulled until the thin membrane tore. He staggered back, too occupied by this new pain to pay attention to the pressure that had left his throat.

Hisa waited patiently until Itegumo recovered, then spat the remains of the griffin's ear into the water, where it sank quickly. "If I see you here again, or any other spirit for that matter… I will kill you. As you have just seen now, I could do it quite easily… Now, leave. I must get back to Hana. I would advise you to return to your own realm as well…"

For a few stunned and painful moments, Itegumo remained where he was. What was he going to tell Isane? Nothing he'd heard from Hisa would do anything to ease her mind, but what choice did he have? He didn't want to lie to her…

It was turned away, so Hisa did not see Itegumo as it struggled into the air and glided off to its home dimension. The griffin's claws had carved deep grooves into Hisa's back which bled sluggishly into the water. They would heal later. Simple interaction with a zanpakuto's wielder was sufficient to heal any damage done to it.

Besides, Hana was waiting, and Hisa was thirsty. Perhaps that could wait until they were done with the little remembrance sessions Hana was so dedicated to. Hisa found them very tiresome. They would need to done away with soon, so more important things could be discussed. Things that had been done wrong in the past and needed to be corrected. It would stand Hana's games for now, but Hisa's turn was coming.

--

"You actually spoke to it?"

"_Yes, Isane-san..." _

She had just finished one or her many-times-daily checkups on Hanatarou. She'd given him a bath, changed his clothing and sheets, made sure all his life-sustaining equipment was functioning properly, and tucked him back under his covers. The bathing and changing part only happened once a week and she always insisted on doing that part herself. Unbeknownst to her, this had led some of the other caretakers to believe her fixation went deeper than simple concern for the patient's well-being, but this was untrue.

Hanatarou would wake eventually, she was sure of it, and if his first interaction with his waking world went poorly it could really affect him in a bad way. She wanted to make sure he knew he was safe, that he was being cared for. There was no telling what his metal state would be like, so it would need to be handled delicately. Perhaps she was worrying over nothing, but it was better to be over-prepared than not at all.

"So… what did Hisagomaru say? Did you get to see Hanatarou?" Her desperation was heartbreaking. It would be wrong for Itegumo to lie, but if he told her the truth it would only make her feel worse.

"_Hisagomaru-san..." _Itegumo began._ "…does not want to see anybody any more. It says… it told me it does not want help, or for anyone else to visit it…"_

"You sound strained… Are you okay? It didn't… It didn't hurt you, did it?"

Itegumo was quiet for a moment. He had been trying not to let the pain from his severed ear show through in his voice. Isane had enough to worry about. She didn't need to know that Hisa was willing to use violence in its desperation to keep others away. _"No, no. I'm just… concerned. You must relax, for Hanatarou's sake. Hisagomaru-san is worried you may hurt him accidentally…"_

Isane looked over at the sleeping boy. He was turned on his side, away from her so she couldn't see his face. It was cooler now, especially at night, and these small back rooms were not used often enough for it to be worth heating them sufficiently. She had made up for this by piling plenty of blankets on him, enough to keep him warm without smothering him. "I would never hurt him…"

"_I know that, but we can't afford to be careless. Hisagomaru-san says it is… taking good care of him…"_ This was a lie, and Itegumo hated to be the one to tell it. Hisa had not said such a thing, and Itegumo knew it was treating its master far from kindly. _"I should not have bothered it. If it wants help, I'm sure it will ask."_

"I certainly hope it will." Isane sighed, standing and slipping her zanpakuto back into its sheath. "I'd do anything it takes to wake Hanatarou…"

"_As much as I wish to help him_, _I would not want to see you in his place."_

"Yes, I suppose not. But if there's one thing you don't have to worry about, it's me going anywhere." Isane smiled to herself as she closed the door to Hanatarou's room behind her. "That's something I can promise."

--

Itegumo sighed and let his head fall onto his paws, sending up a puff of soft snow. He could not decide what was more worrying: That he'd lied to his master or what he'd learned in Hisa's realm. If Hanatarou woke, he might share with her the details of his confinement in his own head, and she'd find out then. There was always the chance that she might have forgotten by that time, but it was doubtful. Itegumo hoped she'd be able to forgive him. He'd only lied because he wanted her to be happy. And she was happy. Maybe things would get better, at least for her. There was nothing he could do for Hanatarou now but hope that he woke before Hisa had the chance to do any lasting damage.


	10. November

_This chapter was rather delayed due to my sudden addiction to Pokèmon Leaf Green. I could just kick myself for wasting that Master Ball on Articuno :(__ I promise the next one will be up much quicker._

_-Nir_

On the eighth month the rain finally came, and as Hisa had predicted, it was cold. For the spirit, the downpour was a relief, a release of emotion that had been kept under pressure for far too long. It wanted to sprint about through the curtains of water, to race with abandon against the fleeing clouds, and to watch the inky depths of its lake illuminated by the lightning. There had not been a storm like this for a very time, and even then the last one had not been half as ferocious as this one was.

However, it could not enjoy itself this time. It had to be there for its master, to comfort him with its presence, and perhaps to encourage the rain and thunder to continue for a bit longer. There was no reason it shouldn't have just a little bit of fun. Leaving Hana to suffer through the storm alone would be a terrible mistake, and it could not afford such grievous errors at this point.

There was no shelter from the rain. Hanatarou's robes and everything beneath them was saturated. He was probably holding Hisa too tightly, but his arms were so stiff he wasn't sure he'd be able to loosen them if he tried. So far it hadn't said anything about it, so perhaps it wasn't too uncomfortable. He hoped so. Even Hisa's cold body felt warm compared to the icy rain.

Well… no, it really didn't, but maybe he could convince himself that it did. He was willing to try anything to get away from the cold.

The sheets of rain were backlit by occasional flickers of lightning. It hadn't been sadness or hopelessness that had started the storm, but anger. His mind had drifted back to his last birthday, the day this nightmare had started, the day he'd been dropped from atop the execution hill. This was the first time he'd really thought about it. He'd been too preoccupied with his more positive memories to dwell on what had brought him here in the first place.

The thunder could not drown out the pounding of the rain on the lake's surface. Wrapped tightly in his arms, Hisa did not breathe. He'd never noticed before how it didn't need to. "They didn't think…" It whispered as the rumbling faded. "…about what might happen. They sought only a cheap thrill, and when they got it, they lost interest in you…"

He was hunched in an almost fetal position, presenting as little area as possible to the rain though it hadn't done much good. The wind had blown most of the water lilies away. They lay strewn about the island in pieces. For the first time in months he couldn't see the fog. It was far too dark, the boiling clouds obscuring whatever source usually lit his zanpakuto's realm.

"It's not fair, is it Hanaaa…? You and your company have done nothing but good for those men, yet they torment you and you do nothing to stop them…"

He wished Hisa would stop saying things like that, things that made him feel justified in hating the men who'd dropped him. He didn't want to hate them. Those sorts of feelings were what was fueling the storm, and he wanted the storm to end.

"Imagine if you never woke… They'd have _killed_ you, Hana…. They'd have killed _us_."

Another blast of thunder reverberated through his shuddering body. He wasn't even angry any more, just cold and exhausted from crying and from clinging so tightly to Hisa. With visible effort he loosened his arms from the spirit's body and let them rest at his sides. There wasn't any point in trying to keep himself dry anymore. The rain had seeped through his clothing and soaked him to the skin. Hisa remained leaning against his chest, flicking drops of water off its ears as they fell from his chin.

"What will you do, Hana…?" It asked quietly. "If you do wake up… Will you confront them? They should be made to know what we have gone through…"

Hanatarou shook his head slightly, his damp hair clinging to his thin cheeks. "I don't even remember what they looked like." His throat was sore, his voice little more than a croak. "Anyway, I'm sure they've already been punished. There wouldn't be any point in talking to them now, so long after the fact…"

"But it's not faaaair, Hana…" Hisa's voice rose to a whine that made Hanatarou wince. "No punishment could be equal to what we have had to endure…"

He briefly pictured himself walking up to a group of burly officers and scolding them angrily. The image was so absurd he almost laughed, which brought about a coughing fit. "They wouldn't listen to me." He said when it had passed. "Besides… there would be more important things to do. I'd need to let everyone know I was okay, and that they didn't have to worry any more."

"Who? The people who allowed you to fall? Who have all but deserted you at this time?"

Hanatarou was quiet for a moment. The lightning seemed to have stopped except for an occasional flicker in the distance, but the rain continued to pour. "No… even if they don't come to visit, it doesn't mean they've deserted me. It would be asking too much of them to see me in person, since I wouldn't even know they were there. But… I do think about them all the time, so it might not be too unreasonable to assume that they think about me. I wouldn't ask any more of them than that."

The spirit sighed and shook its head, flinging droplets of water everywhere. Even after all this time Hana was still painfully naïve. Even after this storm, which was now slowing to a mere drizzle, he still dared to be hopeful.

"Do not forget though, Hana… Others have built up your hopes before, in more elaborate ways than this, just to crush them…" It began to peel back one of Hanatarou's sopping sleeves from his arm. He looked off to the side automatically; even by now unable to watch what would happen next. "You cannot let them take advantage of your feelings. They have dominated your thoughts and made you miserable. That is why it rained…"

Hanatarou's words had worried Hisa, though. Why was he talking like this again? Had he forgotten everything Hisa had told him? It was sick and tired of him endlessly mooning over his friends in the waking world, even after it had told him over and over that nothing good would come of it. Perhaps he knew, and he was simply doing it out of spite? No, probably not. Hana simply did not have it in himself to be spiteful, no matter how cruel the world was to him. It was a pity that such a great motivator was wasted on him, but Hisa was sure they could make up for it with something equally strong. It was just a matter of finding out what that stronger emotion was.

Hanatarou had not yet responded to the Hisa's words, and remained staring off to the side. He was thinking about what Hisa had said. He'd never suspected that the world was involved in a vast conspiracy to make him miserable, but according to Hisa, this was so. It made him wonder why it felt it had to make up such extravagant lies. Maybe he hadn't been doing enough to make it happy. What more did it want? He already let it drink from his wounds, and was always willing if it wanted to talk or to be held. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do, if only it would ask.

But Hisa didn't ask. It seemed he'd have to find out on his own what it was that the spirit wanted from him. Surviving here was only getting harder, he reflected as Hisa sank its sharp little teeth into his wrist. The blood that dripped onto the wet ground steamed for a moment before the still-falling rain washed it away. It seemed, despite being soaked and shivering, he was still warm inside.

--

By express order of captain Unohana, Isane was taking a break. It had been recommended that she should get as far away from the workplace as possible, so she'd left Seireitei altogether. There was no clear line between districts, but she imagined she was in the mid-forties by now. Most of the buildings were small and ramshackle but looked well-cared for, and those who dared to be out in the chilly weather greeted her with smiles.

She got herself a cup of tea from a nearby café and sat on one of the benches outside to drink it, but found herself merely staring into its murky depths. No matter how far she went from the medical center there was no escaping her worries. Itegumo had been dreadfully silent these past few weeks and often refused to speak when she was in the same room with Hanatarou. She was growing more and more suspicious that something bad had happened between the two spirits, but it seemed that whatever it was, telling her about it would have worse consequences than keeping it all to himself. It didn't seem very fair. She couldn't keep secrets from him, but he could keep them from her.

The air had cooled her tea enough that she could drink it without burning her mouth. She sipped it carefully. Tea would not make her forget her problems like sake would, but at least she didn't feel irresponsible drinking it. It was good tea, too. She couldn't quite place the flavor, but she thought it might be chamomile.

For a few minute she sat in silence, sipping her tea and listening to the quiet conversations of the café's other patrons. It was getting late, and soon it would be too cold outside to be comfortable. She would need to head back, and that meant being around Hanatarou again. After returning her teacup she started on her way back to the Seireitei, holding her shawl closer around her shoulders.

"Hey! Vice-captain lady!"

Isane stopped and peered back over her shoulder to see a cloud of dust billowing up from the path, headed by a man riding a gigantic boar. Obeying her first instinct, she dove out of the way, falling into the winter-dead grass by the side of the path. It turned out that she had panicked for no reason, as the boar stopped short about ten feet away, flinging its rider onto the ground in front of her.

"Ah! Shiba-san, are you alright?" Isane hurried over to where Ganju had fallen. He picked himself up, ignoring the hand she'd held out for him.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. In fact, I'd be more worried if Bonnie-chan hadn't thrown me off." He brushed some dust from the front of his shirt and placed his hands on his hips, facing the boar. "I'd think she was sick or something, though she usually throws me much farther than this. You hear that, Bonnie-chan? You're a little off today!"

The boar just snorted and went back to nosing in the grass. Ganju watched her fondly for a moment before turning back to Isane. "So, yeah… uh…" He seemed to have forgotten what he was going to ask. Something had obviously been worrying him, though. He looked haggard, and his usually jovial nature seemed forced, as if it hurt to act like nothing was wrong.

"Did you… want to know about Hanatarou?" She suggested helpfully.

"Oh. Yeah, yeah." Ganju nodded. "So how's he doin'? I woulda gone and checked for myself, but you guys made it pretty clear last time that I shouldn't be hanging around there…"

"Well, he isn't doing any worse." Isane said, finding it easier to watch Bonnie digging for morsels with her tusks than look Ganju in the face.

"But he ain't doin' any better, neither."

"I wouldn't say so, no..."

"Dammit…" Ganju growled suddenly. "Why doesn't he just wake up already? What's stopping him?"

Isane took a step back, surprised and slightly ashamed to find that he actually scared her. "We don't know. Believe me; if there was any way we knew to help him to wake faster, we would use it. It's out of our hands though…"

"I can't hardly concentrate on anything anymore. I swear I'm gonna go crazy if something doesn't happen soon." Ganju sighed and held a hand to his forehead. "He's never gonna wake up, is he?"

"Come now, Shiba-san…" Isane hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder. "There's no reason to talk like that. I'm sure he'll be fine. He just needs a little more time."

"How long, though? Another eight months? A whole year? What if…" He turned to face her, visibly distraught. "What if he wakes up and doesn't know who any of us are? I dunno which would be worse… It's not just that, either. I'm real high-strung lately. Been getting into a lotta fights. I'm afraid I'm gonna hurt someone real bad because 'a this. Hana never liked when I got into fights, so the fact that I'm doin' just that makes me feel even worse…" With a heavy sigh he looked away. "Never thought I'd actually miss his nagging. It's like he thought he was my mom or something."

Isane smiled in spite of herself at the images his words conjured. It was just like Hanatarou to let others know just how much he cared about them, even though his concern got irritating after a while. "If you think it would make you feel any better…" She began, after a moment. "I suppose you could come and visit him, as long as you keep calm."

To her surprise he shook his head. "Nah, it wouldn't do any good. Seein' him like that… I'd just get angry again. I oughta be headin' home anyway. Sis wants me to fix up that wall I broke."

"Ah, well… it was nice talking to you, Shiba-san…" Isane raised a hand in goodbye, though he had already turned away. She watched as he climbed up onto the boar's back. Bonnie wasn't quite ready to leave, and showed her displeasure by halfheartedly bucking. Ganju murmured to her and ran his fingers through her coarse mane, calming her. Finally she galloped off, leaving Isane to watch the receding figure of the boar and her rider. She desperately hoped that she wouldn't let Ganju down, but there was only so much she could do. Maybe he'd be angry at first, like he'd been when all this had started, but she had faith in him. He knew that causing more pain would not bring Hanatarou back, but all the same she decided she would stay a bit closer to Seireitei on her next walk. Just in case.


	11. December

_. I spent a lot of time writing this as a regular narrative flashback, but it became too difficult. Besides, I think it fits better this way, with Hanatarou just reflecting on it rather than reliving the whole thing. If I ever do get the first version finished I might post it._

_-Nir_

He'd been late on the day he first began to mistrust Hisa. The academy held a special ceremony, more of an event actually, for those students who had been skilled enough to achieve shikai before graduating. Of course, there were flukes too, like Hanatarou. Nobody had accused him of being one, but so far he'd seen no evidence that it had been anything but.

He'd been late but not too late and it hadn't actually started. The captains were there, including Unohana. If you did well during your turn you might get a seated position right away. He'd thought of how much he'd like to be part of her squad, since his best grades were in healing, but any squad would do. Ukitake's seemed nice too. He probably wouldn't mind that Hanatarou was lousy at everything else.

But, he'd thought, what if nobody wants me? What if I end up standing there when my turn is over, watching them argue before deciding no, you're not good enough, come see us in another six years.

Or they could send him back to Rukongai to starve.

No, that wouldn't happen. And it didn't.

The stands were full of white and blue and red. Every year he'd sat on those stands and thought of how wonderful it was for the students who they'd be watching, but it had never occurred to him that he might be in their position one day. It hadn't been something he'd hoped for, but he'd gotten it anyway. His friend Rikichi was up there, waving. Hanatarou waved back.

And so it had begun, a congratulatory speech made, and the first two students picked to duel each other. They said it didn't matter if you won or lost, only that you displayed all the skill you had. Hanatarou had wondered how much he could show off in the short time it would take for him to be defeated. He'd held no delusions that this would be a grand battle, and thought maybe they could watch him heal himself afterward.

All the events up to that point were clear in his mind. His being delayed by some of the other students, escaping from said delay, waiting at the end of the line of his fellow prodigies and watching them exchange blows. Captain Unohana watching thoughtfully. Hisa hadn't said anything since the night before, when it had promised him it would do its best. He'd only learned its name about a week ago.

"I heal," the little green creature had told him. "Just like you." Even then there had been something about it he didn't like. Some gleam in its big red eyes, but he had no choice but to dismiss it. Then his name had been called and he'd stepped out into the middle of the dusty training field to meet his opponent. He could recall that the other boy had been about the same size and shape, but thinking about him always led him to picture how the duel had ended.

It had turned out that Hisa did more than heal. It also cut, as any sword should do, but only when it could heal no more. The other boy, small and dark-haired like Hanatarou, kneeling on the ground, almost bent in two. His fingers keeping a desperate grip over the sputtering stump where his arm had been. He'd dropped his zanpakuto. Hanatarou couldn't remember what its ability had been, only the sight of it lying a few yards away from its wielder. Had its spirit cried along with its master, channeling his pain and fear? It was supposed to be like that, with zanpakuto. They weren't supposed to laugh.

It was shameful, but he'd fled, imagining the captains and his fellow students turning away from the gore to watch him disappear into the school, running away from the mess he'd made instead of staying to apologize and clean it up like he should have. You cleaned up the messes you made, you didn't leave them screaming and bleeding to death in the dirt while you hid in a classroom.

Unohana had been the one to find him and tell him that he hadn't killed anybody, that the other student would be okay, and that she understood. He'd let her hold him like the frightened child he'd been, and from the corner of his eye he could see Hisa watching them, its head tilted as if it didn't understand.

"Don't worry, Hanatarou." She'd said when he'd calmed down enough to listen. "You may be afraid now, but in time you will come to understand your zanpakuto. Work together and learn to trust each other so things like this don't happen. Try to understand your zanpakuto, so you can both become strong…"

-

"But you never did! You took one look at what you'd done and you decided it would be too hard to deal with! You never tried!"

"Hisa, it's not…"

"It is, Hana! You know it is! And _I _know it is, because I am part of you and I know everything you feel…" Hisa was sitting on his chest, heavy and cold. It had not always been so heavy, had it? Maybe he was the one who'd grown weaker. "You cannot hide anything from me, and I know that you do not care… You stuck me under your bed when you didn't feel like looking at me. Well, you can't do that now, can you Hana?"

He'd known this was coming. In fact, he was even a little surprised it had taken this long. Maybe Hisa had been hoping he would address it first. There was so much he had already said he was sorry for.

"You're even ignoring me now!" Its claws tore a trio of jagged red lines into his cheek. "Why do you ignore me, Hana?!" It demanded. "Why do you hate me?!"

It was dark. Rain fell ceaselessly now. In the gloom Hisa's eyes twinkled with feverish rage and confusion. Despite all it had done to him, Hanatarou could never think of it as evil or bad. It was like a child acting out to get attention or approval.

He'd never done enough for Hisa. Never tried to forge much of a bond with it. He'd been scared of what it could do, and not confident enough in his ability to control it. It was for others' safety that he'd rarely used it, but he'd still done wrong. Even after all the time he'd spent stuck in this gray abyss with it, nothing had improved. Maybe it never would. The damage was done, and was irreparable.

He opened his mouth to say something, anything to break the silence, but Hisa struck him across the face again, widening the wounds that it had just put there. It would hurt later, when the numbing rain stopped.

Hisa was silent, waiting for an answer to its last question. It sat like a statue, cold and still except for the slight up-and-down motion Hanatarou's shallow breathing produced. Slowly Hanatarou raised his trembling arms and laid them across Hisa's back in a deadened hug.

"I don't…" He exhaled, closing his eyes. The raindrops that had collected on his eyelashes ran down his lacerated cheek. Lying there on the hard, rocky ground, he felt like he would never move again. "I don't hate you, Hisa. You're my zanpakuto. I couldn't hate you…"

The weight on his chest shifted, spread as Hisa settled onto its belly. "That isn't good enough, Hana..." It pressed its cold nose to the vulnerable underside of his chin. "You are lying. You are making things worse."

"You said you know how I feel." He never stopped wondering what would happen if he died here. If Hisa killed him, as it could kill him so easily right now. "I can't lie to you…"

Quietly, dangerously. "You are lying to yourself, Hana. You would love to leave this place, even if you never saw me again. _Especially_ if you never saw me again… Tell me the truth, Hana."

He did, hoping it was the answer Hisa wanted to hear. "I'm... I'm just afraid, Hisa. You scare me, and I'm scared of what I could do with you. I've been wrong to neglect you and not listen, but… Please, Hisa… I'm sorry for everything… How many times do you want me to say it?"

"Hundreds, Hana…" It replied. "You could say it until you die and I do not think I would be happy. Sorry doesn't fix anything."

"Then, why…?"

"Because, it's funny to see how upset you get over things. You have nothing to be upset about here, and yet you aren't happy. I don't understand, Hana…"

"There's more to it than just being upset… I don't know what you're talking about, Hisa."

"Do you like it here, Hana?" It asked. Distant thunder rumbled, reflecting Hanatarou's growing exasperation. He was tired. So tired. It was so hard to think. He wanted to make Hisa happy with what he said, but he didn't know how.

"I don't… I don't like the rain...."

"Do you want to stay here, Hana? Remember, tell the truth…"

"…no." He sighed. Anything to make it leave. It could even cut up his face more if it really wanted to. "I'm sorry, but I don't… I want to wake up. I want to see the sun again, that's all…"

Hisa shifted again, and its cold breath was on his ear this time. "See, Hana…? It isn't hard, being honest… But you realize it is cold in the outside world right now. Even if you were awake, there would be no sun for you, so do not miss it too badly…"

"Yes, Hisa…" But it was impossible not to miss the sun in the face of the icy rain.


	12. January

_A short chapter, yes, but reading the reviews I am given always empowers me to write, and I could not ignore the urge. Rest assured, dear readers, Somnus will be completed. I promised myself that it would. I have the ending and next few chapters in mind already, so there is that security, at least._

_-Nir_

Winter wore on. Kuukaku had to take down the banner that usually hung in front of her house because the ice kept threatening to tear it. Even Bonnie with her thick, bristly coat refused to leave her warm stable. It was just as well. Ganju didn't have anywhere to go.

He'd never gone back to the hospital room. He always feared that when he got here he'd be told Hanatarou was dead, and he just didn't think he could face that. He was well aware of how cowardly that was. A real Shiba man wasn't afraid of death, his or anyone else's. All the same, he never returned.

--

"What must we do?"

It was a small meeting, this one. Only three spirits had gathered in Itegumo's snowy realm. A pink basilisk, a black rabbit, and Itegumo himself. Though she was welcome in this place, Tobiume still felt the sting of the falling ice against her scales, a testament to Itegumo's nervousness. In this state he could not control the snow completely, but she was willing to tolerate it for the sake of this meeting.

Sode no Shirayuki, on the other hand, was used to the weather. His own realm was covered in deep drifts of snow and sheets of ice. This did not stop him from sensing the heightened feelings of the others though, and to him it was far worse a discomfort than a little chill. He had been the one to ask what Itegumo expected of them. Quick to take charge and quick to act, as usual.

The griffin shifted, his nervous silver gaze flitting from snake to rabbit. "We must confront Hisagomaru. It is not a matter of Isane's safety." It said as Tobiume opened her mouth to remind him of their previous conversation. "It is a matter of Hanatarou's. Already I've waited far too long to do anything, and we still may not be able to make up for lost time, but to simply do nothing would-"

"Does Isane know?" Shirayuki asked suddenly.

Surprised by the question, Itegumo stuttered. "Er… know what?"

"Does she know you're putting yourself in this kind of danger?"

Itegumo shifted guiltily under the rabbit's dark, scrutinizing gaze. "I…"

"You haven't told her? Have you even told her what happened to your ear?"

Sheepishly, Itegumo shook his head. His ear had already grown back. Just as a zanpakuto's blade will repair itself, the spirit is capable of healing any damage done to it. Shirayuki scowled. "And if something were to happen to you? You know full well how dangerous Hisagomaru is. You are not only risking your own life, but your wielder's. She may not die, but for a Shinigami to lose the use of their zanpakuto is a fate almost as terrible. If you are really determined to do something this selfish, the least you can do is inform her of it."

"You're right…" Itegumo agreed quietly after a few minutes of thought. "I… I really should… but…"

Tobiume spoke now. "Both our wielders care about Hanatarou. That is why we are here. We have their permission to risk ourselves. However, we cannot carry on if our leader does not have the same level of confidence…" She bowed her large head. "I'm sorry, Itegumo. Please call upon us again when you feel you are truly ready."

"Ah… I understand." Itegumo hung its head. "Please forgive me for making you come all the way here for nothing."

Shirayuki's sharp gaze softened. "Itegumo… Just the fact that you're concerned for this boy on your wielder's behalf is extraordinary. Most zanpakuto would not even consider it. I am honored that you asked for my help… So, please, call on us again when you feel you are ready."

"I wouldn't wait too long." Tobiume said. Though she was blindfolded, Itegumo got the impression that she was looking past him. Looking for something to appear. Hisa, maybe, but Hisa could not possibly know about this…

"I know." There was no need to explain why waiting was a bad idea. "Again, thank you both…" Itegumo had inquired of almost every zanpakuto in Fourth company, and all had turned him down. He could not blame them, though. It was a zanpakuto's duty, first and foremost, to be there for its master. He himself was being incredibly selfish, going against Hisa when he knew it could have killed him very easily last time they'd met. With Tobiume and Shirayuki they would have a better chance, but then they'd be fighting in Hisa's realm where it would be strongest.

Even if they did manage to defeat Hisa, there was no guaranteeing that it would treat Hanatarou better. Itegumo didn't even know for sure how Hanatarou was feeling. He might not be that miserable after all. There might be no point in this endeavor…

It was these sorts of doubts that Itegumo would have to sort through. For Isane's sake he had to be sure Hanatarou was okay. The effort would be worth it. It had to be. He had to serve his master, and that meant giving her peace of mind. He would not allow Hisa to stand in the way of Isane's happiness.

Tobiume had already turned away and was slithering gradually back toward her home realm, her thick body parting the drifts of snow. Shirayuki hopped agilely beside her. Itegumo watched them go, thankful that, when the time came, he would not have to face Hisa alone, and at the same time disgusted by his own selfishness and cowardice.


	13. February

_This is without a doubt the darkest chapter so far. Hurrah for writing four pages at 1:30 in the morning!_

_You know, it's not as if I don't appreciate every review I get, but it's sort of futile to go 'update soon!' because I'm_ not _going to update soon. It almost always takes me a few months to write a chapter. You could use that space to say something else if you'd like, but far be it from me to tell people how to review. Just enjoy the story, but remember, there probably won't be any more for a while __:(__ Don't forget though that I will finish this! Never give up hope!_

_-Nir_

It was Ogidou's turn to move Hanatarou. As always, the sterile white room was a neutral 75 degrees. The curtained windows glowed softly with sunlight reflected off the white tiled walkways outside. The snow had long been cleared from them by the diligent officers of fourth company.

Shinshika cocked its hooded head curiously._ "It isn't here today."_

"What isn't?" Ogidou asked as he went about making sure Hanatarou's IV was set correctly. It was. The nutrients needed refilling though.

"_As if you don't know what I'm talking about…" _Shinshika peered up at its master, its empty eye sockets somehow shrewd. Standing beside Hanatarou's bed it looked like the old image of the Grim Reaper the humans used, only quadrupedal. _"His spirit. The green one with the red eyes. I know I've mentioned it to you before."_

"Ah yes…" Airways clear, throat clear, no sign of infection. It could not be said that his fellow officers did not take good care of their star coma patient. "Perhaps it is busy today."

Shinshika bent over Hantatarou's unconscious form, making the vertebrae in its neck click. _"You should thank him, you know. They gave you his position. Who knows how long it may have taken for you to rise up on your own…"_

Ogidou chuckled. "Have a little confidence in me why don't you? Maybe I was okay with where I was."

The skeletal spirit "hmm"ed thoughtfully and backed away as Ogidou went to turn Hanatarou on his side. A few small sores had formed on his shoulders but it was nothing that Ogidou couldn't treat on the spot. Still, he made a mental note to talk to whoever had turned the young officer last. They obviously hadn't been keeping up with their duties.

"_A shame, though…"_ Shinshika said as Ogidou worked. _"That these things happen so rarely. That the weak and incompetent officers are put where they belong, so their places can be taken by those more responsible... Don't you think so?"_

"That's a terrible thing to say, Shin." Ogidou scolded, though his tone was lighthearted. "If you go around talking like that, I'd start to wonder if you weren't hoping something like this would happen to me."

The spirit did not reply.

--

The three spirits had long since left the crossroads between their three realms, but the snow persisted, falling ever more heavily as they neared Hisagomaru. The water had frozen over, leaving a thin sheet of ice on the top that Tobiume shattered with her passing. The cold water was visibly uncomfortable to her, obvious in the way her jaws were clenched, but she said nothing about it. It was also possible that she was fighting against the strange pull the water had, its way of drawing things slowly, inevitably into its depths.

"It must know we're coming." Shirayuki said between bounds. "Why is it snowing? Itegumo and I are both familiar with snowy environments. It puts us at an advantage."

"I don't know…" Itegumo admitted. "It may only be a coincidence." It wasn't, of course. Hisa knew. There was a reason for the snow.

"Speak of the devil…" Shirayuki slowed to a stop, the ice platform beneath its feet crackling thinly as it spread, freezing the water around it. Unable to find a small island for itself, Itegumo landed lightly atop Tobiume's head. The serpent was shaking, from rage rather than fear Itegumo supposed. From this vantage Hanatarou was nowhere to be seen, but he could easily be buried underneath the snow. Would Hisa have moved him, knowing what was coming?

The small green spirit was seated atop a protruding boulder several yards away, looking downright serene, its tail folded around its body like a cat's. Its lips parted in a smile, revealing its jagged front teeth. "Ah… you've come back, little birdy. Is your ear all better?" It stepped off the rock and onto the water, which froze quickly beneath its paws. "I can't quite tell when you're all the way up there… Perhaps, as it healed, you forgot the warning that came with it."

"We aren't afraid of you, Hisagomaru." Shirayuki said. The snow had begun to fall more thickly, covering the ice. Soon it would be impossible to tell water from land. "And though we've come expecting a fight, there doesn't have to be one. You need only show up proof that your master is comfortable and happy here, and if he isn't, promise that you'll make him so."

Hisagomaru sighed quietly and closed its eyes, an exercise in restraining its frustration. "It never fails… I cannot understand why anyone would show such concern for him. He is dying. I am sure you realize this… To make him comfortable is an exercise in futility. To argue and fight over him endlessly is a waste of my time and yours. A corpse cannot appreciate a kind word."

"No!" Tobiume nearly swung her head around before realizing it had been Itegumo who had spoken. The griffin steadied himself, standing straighter and folding his wings tightly before continuing. "You're lying… Everyone is taking good care of Hanatarou. You're the only thing that's killing him!"

"Is that so?" Hisa replied, its grin widening. "I'm surprised you'd say something like that, after what happened last time… Only now you've got your friends around to protect you, hmm? What I said still stands. I _will_ kill all of you, if you won't leave me alone..."

"We're not-!" But before Itegumo could finish, Hisa suddenly darted toward Shirayuki, who leapt out of the way and braced himself for the sting of Hisa's claws or teeth. It never came. Hisa seemed to have vanished beneath the wispy covering of snow. The thin crackle of ice re-freezing followed its disappearance.

Shirayuki held his tense stance. "It's underwater." He said. "Tobiume, can you drive it back up to the surface?"

"I can try." The basilisk lowered her head, allowing Itegumo to step clumsily onto the small island Hisa had originally been seated on. "But I'll need to remove my blindfold to find it." Hisa's body gave off no heat, so it would be impossible for her to locate it using just the heat pits on her nose. "Please do your best to stay out of my sight."

The reason Tobiume identified herself as a basilisk rather than just a snake was her ability to stun or even kill living spiritual matter simply by looking at it. She had nearly killed Hinamori when they'd first met. The girl had been paralyzed for a few days and taken to the 4th division to recover, and Tobiume had fashioned herself a blindfold so that she would never make such a mistake again. It was worth never being able to see Hinamori if it meant Tobiume would not be able to harm her. Still, Tobiume mourned the fact that her spirit had not taken a more benign form.

Underwater the pull was even stronger. Tobiume fought against it as she swam, her lidless gold eyes searching for any sign of movement. It was nearly pitch-black beneath the ice, and growing darker as the snow piled up. Hisa was clever, manipulating its realm in such a way. Tobiume could admit she would have never thought of doing such a thing.

It was completely still beneath the ice. Could Hisa have resurfaced somewhere else before she'd even entered the water? It was possible, but then, she could see no sign of a confrontation on the surface. Perhaps Itegumo and Sode no Shirayuki had not noticed its reappearance.

It was impossible to tell if Hisa was underwater or not, so Tobiume began to climb gradually back to the surface, the water's pull hanging on her body like a blanket of lead. As she neared the surface, a bolt of pain suddenly shot through her right eye, and half of her vision went black. She thrashed her head wildly, shattering the ice on the surface. Somewhere to the side she heard Itegumo screech in shock, but she would have to trust him to stay out of her sight.

Something was _inside _her . She could feel its tiny claws, buried in the soft tissue like it was gutting a fruit, and smell the sickening odor of burned, rotting garbage. It had to have placed its paw in front of her eye to get at it in the first place, and her deadly vision had singed it before it had ripped out whatever part made that power possible.

"Tobiume! Stop!" Shirayuki shouted, getting as close as he dared to the threshing pink serpent. But Tobiume was in too much pain to acknowledge him. Itegumo could only watch in horror as Tobiume thrashed her head and tail against the ice, trying in desperation to shake Hisa off. He could not even attempt to help her, as she would surely crush him with her writhing. Hisa was relentless, and soon Itegumo heard another high hiss of agony as it dug its claws into her other eye. Shortly after this she managed to throw Hisa off, sending it flying toward another protruding rock, which it collided with to Itegumo's short-lived satisfaction.

"Itegumo." Tobiume turned in the direction of her fellow zanpakuto. Dark blood oozed from her mutilated eyes and dripped sluggishly into the icy water. "I fear I can no longer be of any help to you… Please, when you are done… take me back to Hinamori…" With an oddly quiet _splash_, she collapsed. Hisa's realm was not yet done with her, it seemed, as the water began to draw her body slowly back into its depths.

"Tobiume!" Itegumo cried. But where was Hisa? It still had to be dealt with. But if he didn't do something soon, Tobiume would be underwater, and there would be no way to get her back.

Fortunately, Shirayuki was decisive enough for both of them. "Go!" He shouted. "I'll take care of Hisagomaru!"

Itegumo did not hesitate this time, and sprinted over to where Tobiume lay, or rather, floated. Not for long though. The water was like a carnivorous plant, an unthinking thing that consumed anything unlucky enough to land in its maw. Itegumo couldn't imagine what it must have been like for Hanatarou to spend months and months here, in a place as far from comfort as the moon, and indeed, he didn't have time to. He was not equipped to grab onto Tobiume, as he lacked thumbs, and her scales were too smooth to provide any grip. Plus she was many times heavier than he was, and there was the added pull of the water. If only he had a rope, or something he could put around her neck...

A piece of fabric might work as well. Tobiume had discarded her blindfold earlier. Maybe it was nearby. She'd surfaced only a few yards away from where she'd entered the water. If only she'd made it a color other than white! He had to buy himself some time. It wasn't likely he could pull her out of the water by himself, but maybe he could get her out of it just enough…

Itegumo seized the top half of Tobiume's jaws in his beak and pulled, his talons scrabbling for traction on the ice. Her heavy body barely moved. He tried again, beating his wings against the icy wind, but again he only managed to stop her from sinking further.

There, what was that? Beneath a sheet of newly-frozen ice he could see a ring of white fabric. The blindfold. Itegumo dropped Tobiume and darted over. The ice was not so thick yet that he couldn't shatter it with his beak, which he did, making himself see stars with the impact. But now he had it, and he just needed a way to hook it around Tobiume's head so he could pull her out.

Unfortunately, her skull was just not wide enough, and the blindfold kept slipping off. To make matters worse, the wet fabric had become stiff as it froze, and Tobiume's head was the only thing sticking out of the water now. For the last time, Itegumo lifted her head and worked the blindfold around her jawbone, only to have her slip out once again.

Isane would have to explain to Hinamori how he'd let her zanpakuto drown. He couldn't put her through that, he just couldn't…

Tobiume's mouth hung open slightly. Her fangs were stained with the blood that had seeped into her mouth.

Fangs.

Her head was underwater now. Itegumo dove blindly, the fabric gripped in his beak. He would only have one chance to do this. Tobiume's bottom teeth scraped the top of his head as he broke the surface, but he hardly felt it. The fabric was tense. He'd caught her. The blindfold was hooked under her two main fangs. She was impossibly heavy, but he had no choice. He would not let Hinamori lose her zanpakuto.

Occupied with his struggles, Itegumo had forgotten completely about Sode no Shirayuki and the rabbit's promise that he would go after Hisagomaru. As he pulled Tobiume from the water, inch by painful inch, Itegumo suddenly became aware that there was something sitting across from him, on the other side of the jagged opening in the ice. He lifted his head, his vertebrae creaking as they moved from the downward-bent position they'd previously been locked in.

Sode no Shirayuki hung, limp, from Hisa's jaws, his velvety ears torn and bloodied. Hisa's expression was one of bright curiosity, like a child's. Without looking away, it let Shirayuki fall with a muffled _thump_.

"I told you, didn't I…?" It said, folding its tail around its body, as it had when they'd first arrived. Years ago, it seemed. "Who is selfish now? You allowed two innocent zanpakuto to die... And for what? Something you _think_ might be happening?"

Itegumo could say nothing, for to speak meant letting go of the blindfold, the only thing keeping Tobiume out of the water. That is, if it still mattered. He hadn't actually checked if she was still alive.

Hisa was a liar. He couldn't stop to listen to its lies. He had to save Tobiume. Had to get her back to her own realm. To Hinamori. Sode no Shirayuki too. Hisa was just trying to make him nervous. It was hard to kill a zanpakuto, didn't it know that?

"Well I'll tell you what…" Hisa stood and stepped onto the opening in the ice. The flesh on its forepaws had been blackened. "You are right, little birdy. Hana is not happy. Would you be happy here?"

He could not stop to listen. Tobiume was almost out of the water. They had to go home. Had to get out of this place.

"So… you may tell your master that, no, Hana is not happy. In fact, he is very _un_happy. Isn't that what you wanted to hear? Now that you have your proof, what does that change? Nothing…?"

Yes… it changed nothing. Itegumo could admit that. Hanatarou would have to go on suffering, because they could not change that. They had not defeated Hisa, or made it change its ways. Nothing had been accomplished. They'd failed.

--

The walk back was one of the longest Itegumo had ever taken. It wasn't simply the weight of his fellow zanpakutos' bodies that made it so, but the dread of what would come next. What he'd have to tell Isane, and what she'd have to pass on to Rukia and Hinamori.

Though, maybe it wasn't worth worrying over. After all, he could do nothing about that, either.


End file.
